There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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