it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
operation harelip BJ is a go
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
