yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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