He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
