i just google imaged poop.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
