I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
