For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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