Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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