I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
