smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
