good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
