I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
