FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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