Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
