That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
