You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
