i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
