Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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