i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
