Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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