There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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