Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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