He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
