ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
