i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
