Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
