We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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