note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
