Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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