She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
