PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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