guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
