I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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