Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
