you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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