i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pants are for mortals
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize