dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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