also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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