I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
