we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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