you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
