As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
