literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
