So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
