Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How drunk are you?
Completed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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