i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
