well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
