Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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