Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There r osticjed everywhere
then he tried to convert me to islam
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
