atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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