garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
